Monday, June 17, 2013

So, You Wanna Be A Cleveland Fan?

Years ago, my google fu lead me to a great website called SoYouWanna.com. Anything you wanna do, there is a page. You wanna learn to tie a tie? Got it. You wanna cure a hangover or speak in an Irish accent? They have you covered.

My recent experiences in the Indians bleachers is leading me to the fact we need one for Cleveland fans.  Some information is not being passed down to the younger generation.

So friends, you wanna be a Cleveland fan? Here is how...

We all know that fan is short for fanatic. Clevelanders are crazy for their teams. One way to show your love or exasperation is with banners. Be smart, be funny, be witty.

If you don't have a spare sheet in the closet to make a banner, a sign will be fine. Show your favorite player and the world that Cleveland can do more than cry in a heaping, heaving pile of angry f bombs.


Don't be afraid to let your fan flag fly. One fine Sunday morning in Indianapolis, I came to Scotty's Brewhouse to find a Browns pennant above my favorite perch.  Be proud. I have yet to find a bandwagon Cleveland fan. People respect that. Or fear it. Whatever.

Share your love of the game with friends and family. If kids are raised right, they will never turn to the dark side, otherwise known as Pittsburgh. 

Cheer for your team. Be crazy and sing along to take me out to the ballgame or Hang On Sloopy. Yes, yes, I know, this is Peyton Manning singing Rocky Top, but I lived in Tennessee when this photo was taken. I'm not made of stone people. Anything to bring the fans together is a good thing.

Support all the teams. You may be a Browns/Cavs/Indians fan first and foremost in your heart, but represent the city.  We are one big dysfunctional family. Embrace it.

Let's be very clear. Chucking beer bottles, car batteries or popcorn tubs on to the field of play is not cool. Do you hear me? Not. Cool. Don't do it. Resist the urge.


Heckling players is fine. They get paid millions of dollars to play the game and take the lumps for their decisions on and off the court. Threatening and cursing however, is not fine. Don't call LeFoolio "Queen James." That is offensive to fabulous gay men everywhere. Don't attack his momma, his kids or his girlfriend. LeFloppio, LeFoolio, LeQuit, the options are endless. Use your imagination. Don't offend anyone else in your bid to irritate a player.

When wearing your jersey in an opposing house, be respectful if for no other reason than 30,000 to 1 is not great set of odds.

Support your favorite player and be cool with fans that support the underdog. As long as they play for Cleveland, nod approvingly and move on. It is only a matter of time before Matty LaPorta gets his mojo back.

Ahem...


When Cleveland players are up for any awards, support them with everything that you have. You might be rewarded for your efforts...


We are all in this together. Don't be a D to other fans. Don't put your feet on their seat. Also, if you are going to chew tobbacy, don't put your spit cup next to someone else. That's just gross. We aren't animals. Let's be civilized peeps.


Cleveland fans are a special lot. We are bound together by our love of our teams, the sports and the city. And let's face it, we are a pretty Bro-tastic group.

 And, pretty darn fun.

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