Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Stay In South Beach

Shot taken by Fox 8. The poor camera guy.
Lefoolio will become a free agent in 2014, and there is a group of kids that wants nothing more than for him to dazzle the fans once again in Wine and Gold. This group is throwing everything their little hearts can muster at their "Come Home Lebron" campaign, with billboards, tweets and instagrams, and my favorite - neon t-shirts. 

When Lefoolio comes back with Wade's Heat on Wednesday, these kids will be outside the Q, giving away t-shirts. If you wear one of these neon beauties and tweet a picture, you might win Cavs season tickets, or you might win a swift noogie from those around you.
James Blair running out professing his love for all things Lefoolio. image from Sports Illustrated. 
These kids and their group are welcome to do whatever they would like, however misguided their intentions are, it is still a free fandom. I personally wouldn't drop $50,000 on billboards and tshirts begging Lefoolio to return. That is the equivalent to getting dumped at the prom but still offering to pay for the tickets to Cedar Point in the morning. 

There is a point that this campaign is missing. 

A very critical point. 

We did this all before.

We had billboards and t-shirts. Maybe these cats are forgetting about the Clevelanders for Lebron James "We Are Lebron" video. Lefoolio was *begged* by the entire city to stay. Dick "WollyBearsAreYourFriendsAndAdoptAKittenToday" Goddard even sang in the video. Betty White and the girls pleaded with him to stay in Hot in Cleveland. Fans got tattoos, and the Witness Car guy - that poor shlub - is left with a car pleading for Lefoolio to stay. How about the Lefoolio Day in Akron that he showed up to...after it was over?

There was a 10 story likeness outside of the arena of Lefoolio for years, and that wasn't enough for him to stay in Cleveland. 

Lefoolio didn't want to be in Cleveland (which, as he will tell you, is NOT his home) in 2010 and there is no way he is coming back in 2014. I'm sorry guys, but like the Easter Bunny, this isn't for real. 

I don't think these kids have fully accepted the fact that when Lefoolio bolted, he left the city of Cleveland, spitting giant loogies in our face while flipping us off with both hands, cackling like a hyaena, on his way to get his Jams for South Beach. For crying out loud, he dumped us without a second thought on national tv and never looked back. Lefoolio was never a part of Cleveland, and he was fine with that.

Why would he come back? What possible reason would Lefoolio have in returning to Cleveland? 

Money? Pretty sure he has a crap ton of that.

Championship? Next.

Family? His family is in Akron. With all of his moohla, it isn't a problem to fly momma and his posse around.  

Unfinished business? Well, he does owe hundreds of bartenders and servers for the tips he never paid when he was in Cleveland. I know, I know, his posse did like to say, "here's your tip, you just served the king," but that really isn't something that you can take to the bank. 

Legacy? There is no question, if Lefoolio stayed in Cleveland, he could have had anything. There is not another place on the planet (not even you, Akron), that was willing to go so far to show devotion. If Lefoolio stayed, he would have been a hero with a statue. In South Beach? He is just another dude with money. And a boat. I'll bet he has a boat.

What about his relationship after he left with the team and the city? An ice cube staying frozen in hot cocoa in the middle of the desert has a better chance of survival than Dan Gilbert hugging it out with Lefoolio in 2014. One re-read of his comic sans masterpiece  and that is clear. Remember the Lefoolio Fatheads going down to $17.41, the birth year of Benedict Arnold? Uncle Dan doesn't need the money and neither one is going to wolf down that giant humble pie baked topped with poo and be the first one to shake hands.

And the fans...oh my goodness...the fans. Lefoolio doesn't have enough character in his soul to deal with their rightful anger. He is known for his fits of fury and frustration because not everyone likes him. 

Waahh.

I'm not sorry that I call him out as the quitter that he is. Game 5? Remember the oh my goodness so painful elbow injury? I never once saw pain on his face. Certainly not like the pain and tears he wailed about when he got a leg cramp in the Heat playoff game. 

We have seen what Lefoolio can do. We have also seen what he won't do.

I am content for him to stay in South Beach and open a chain of juice bars. 

I took this in the MuniLot. Yes, that is a Lefoolio jersey on fire.

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